Humor Essays

Now that the 100-year race for the Oval Office is completed... or so it seems... we can all get back to what we were doing prior to this event. The problem is, I cannot remember what I was doing before all of this nonsense began.

Oh, yes. I remember now. We were all complaining about how stupid our government leaders were and how the politicians were making a mess of things.

For those of you who think a presidential election changes all of this, I have some wonderful swampland that I can let you have at a good price. And if you can't afford the price, there are some amazing bailout programs coming from Washington DC.

Every four years we go through the motions of electing a president thinking a new president brings a magical spell to our country called "change." It is amazing that the more things change in Washington DC, the more they remain the same.

The next time around I am going to put all of my support behind any politician (rat or fat-cat) who has as its motto, "No More Changes." I have had about as many changes as I possibly can handle in one lifetime. The next change I want to be from this "vale of tears" to the "Pearly Gates."

The only real change that will happen in Washington DC is that a new presidential portrait will join the gallery of all the past presidents. Someone will change the name on the Oval Office door.

Many people do not know this but the reason they always address the president as, "Mr. President," is because the names change so frequently it is hard to keep up. That is why I like titles so much. You do not have to remember a person's name. This is why so many husbands call their wives, “Honey."

The thing that bothers me about the presidential race is the cost factor. Everyone running for president boasts about how they can save money and yet between the two top runners of the presidential race they have spent $1 billion. I sure would like to see somebody spread a little bit of that wealth around, especially in my direction.

As far as I am concerned, we could cut out all of this nonsense and expense by choosing our president the old-fashioned way. You get the two main contenders standing face-to-face. Someone pulls out a $.50 piece. Then throw it up in the air and ask one of them to call heads or tails. That way we would save an awful lot of time not to mention money.

Now that we have a new president, there is not much more we can do about the issue. Oh, except for, complaining, which is the American way.

Half of our country is happy about the election, half of our country is sad about the election and half of our country has no idea who the new president of the United States is. In fact, some people will not know who the new president is until he runs for reelection in four years. No, make that two years.

The new president takes one year to get moved and settled in to his new "digs." New wallpaper needs to be put up. The bathroom needs to be repainted. And some of the sofas in the living room need replaced.

The second year the new president will begin making speeches explaining why he cannot keep the promises he made when he was running for election. And that he really did not mean what many of the people thought he said.

That is exactly why men make better presidents than women. Men can never remember what they promised and women can never forget.

Then the all-important third year when he announces he is running for reelection. I think there are approximately 3 days between the second and the third year that the president actually gets something done. He decides the location of his presidential library.

But now that we have a new president, we need to do what somebody suggested a week or so ago, "suck it up."

With all of the political rhetoric behind us, we need to get down to the serious business of praying for our new president. This will be easier for some people than others but it is a responsibility we all must share in. Let’s face it. Anyone sitting in the Oval office desperately needs all the prayer he can get.

As a Christian, I take what the apostle Paul said quite seriously. "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty." (1 Timothy 2:1-2 KJV).

Prayer is the most undervalued weapon in the Christian’s arsenal. No matter who sits in the White House, they are vulnerable to the effectual, fervent prayers of God’s people.

It was King Solomon, the wisest man in the world, who gave us this advice. "When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn." (Proverbs 29:2 KJV).

At the top of our prayer list for the president of our country, we must pray that he be a righteous man. After all, miracles do happen.