Nobody needs to tell me I cannot sing, although I have many fine friends who forward this information to me on a regular basis. It is as though there was a friend-wide conspiracy trying to convince me not to sing in public. Even the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage gets in on this act.

We will be driving down the road and suddenly she will say, "What's that awful noise?" Then she will look at me and say, "You weren't singing were you? I thought we were having engine trouble."

I have no intention to sign-up for an American Idol audition. If I did happen to win the contest I would have to quit what I am doing now and travel around the country singing for people. I'm quite happy doing what I'm doing right now, thank you.

In the long run, I am quite certain I will never win any singing contest. In fact, if I do happen to win some singing contest somewhere I will be highly suspicious of the whole thing and will return the trophy with my personal regrets.

Quite frankly, I'm not trying to impress anybody with my singing nor am I looking for any kind of recognition about my singing ability. Early in life, I discovered I did not have what it takes to be the kind of singer somebody would pay money to hear. That has not, however, deterred me from singing.

Some people sing by note, whatever that might be, but I sing by volume. When it goes up, I increase the volume and when it goes down, I accordingly decrease the volume. It makes for a very simple enjoyment of the singing process.

I notice in the hymnbook at church all kinds of dots and musical thingamajigs on the page just above the words. Whatever they are there for, I'm not quite sure, I just read the words and sing as loudly as I possibly can. Let someone else worry about these musical oddities, is my motto.

Usually throughout the day, I'm singing some hymn under my breath but occasionally I'll break into some popular song. Personally, I enjoy singing in the elevator where I have a captive audience. If it happens to be the month of August, my singing repertoire will naturally include, "Rudolph the red nose reindeer."

I get some mighty strange looks when I sing something like that. I am waiting for someone to join right in with me and sing along. After all, life is a song. Singing has a way of airing out the heart. So much today happens that clouds the heart and brings a person to a point of despair. That is when I need to break out into a song.

Birthday parties are quite an attraction for me. Some people go for the cake and ice cream, I, however, go for the singing. I am one of the first to join in singing the happy birthday song. I might be in a restaurant where some of the waiters and waitresses have gathered around the table to sing happy birthday to a patron. As far as I'm concerned, anybody who begins singing the happy birthday song has just issued me a carte blanche invitation to come and join in the merriment.

I really don't need to know the person who is celebrating their birthday. All I need to know are the words to the happy birthday song. I will stand in the midst of the waiters and waitresses arm in arm singing at the top of my voice, "Happy birthday to you."

The favorite singing venue of mine would be the shower. There is nothing quite like jumping into a hot steaming shower to cause a person to break into song. And why not? The bubbles are already in process. My favorite on this occasion would be, "Tiny bubbles in my wine." Of course, I don't drink wine, but what in the world does that have to do with singing in the shower?

On those rare occasions when my wife and I go to the shopping mall together she quickly goes down one isle and disappears leaving me alone. She knows that eventually I'm going to break into song. And the problem she has is the fact that she does not know the song I'm going to sing at any given time.

I have been known, on occasion, to make up a song as I go along. That is the most fun. Or, better yet, mix two or three songs together. I don't do it intentionally. It just comes out that way. I think I have a gift.

My wife, on the other hand, thinks I have the crazies. She may be right, for she is rarely wrong.

In the meantime, I will enjoy breaking into song whenever such an occasion presents itself. There are too many sad sacks in this world. I prefer to enjoy life, and, I like to share that joy with anybody and everybody.

Whoever said you had to be a perfect singer in order to sing?

Even the Bible says seven times to make a "joyful noise." In one of the Psalms David even says to make a "loud noise."

"Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise" (Psalms 98:4 KJV).

I will never win an award but I have won the attention of my Father which art in heaven.