In my experience, everybody has a slice of “idiot” somewhere hiding inside them. The trick is not to let it show itself at the wrong time. 

Since everybody is an idiot to some degree or other, maybe we should not be so hard on people. After all, not everybody is smart enough to be a full blown idiot.

Throughout my life, I have attempted to utilize my “idiot slice” to my own advantage. So far I have had good progress on this aspect of my life, just ask the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. With a great deal of affection she will often say, “You are one of the best idiots I have ever known.”

Isn't love a wonderful thing?

Although I own up to my “idiot slice” many people for some reason, are not able to do that. After all, if everybody has a slice of idiocy, then what’s the problem?

This came to me recently when a small incident happened. I do not quite remember what brought this incident to be, it could be anything these days, but the outcome is what got me.

This guy looked at me with the meanest look, shook his fist at me and said, “Are you an idiot or something?”

Normally I take these things as they come and just move on with my life. But for some reason that “idiot slice” in me kicked into high gear. And I responded, “Which one do you think I am?”

He blinked and said, "Wh-utt?"

So I said, "“Do you think I’m an ‘idiot’ or a ‘something’?”

“After all,” I continued, “there is a vast difference between an ‘idiot’ and a ‘something.’ What am I?”

That was last week some time and I think he is still trying to figure out what in the world I was talking about. Some people just aren’t smart enough to be a plain old idiot.

I believe there is a little bit of intelligence in every idiot. After all, most idiots are smart enough to get a driver's license. And boy, do they drive like idiots.

Just yesterday, I was trying to drive across town and I encountered so many idiots driving that I was tempted to run some of them over. Don’t those idiot drivers make you furious?

I know a few people who are simply nuts, but that is a different story altogether. Being an idiot takes a lot of hard work and practice. Not everybody is smart enough to be an idiot.

One driver I encountered, who at first glance I thought was an idiot but he turned out not smart enough to be an idiot. I was driving on my side of the road and going the speed limit. He was behind me and wanted to go faster than the speed limit. That’s okay if nobody’s in front of you, but I was in front of him and he couldn’t get around me.

He honked his horn, hoping, I suppose, that I would get out of his way and let him go. However, I was more of an idiot, so I ignored him. One good thing about being an idiot is that you can ignore people who do not quite come up to the status of being an idiot themselves.

Finally, we got to a place where he could pass me. I just assumed he would pass and that would be the last I would see of him. When he got beside me, he began yelling and screaming and I could not understand anything he was saying.

I did figure out that he must have been a very religious man because he was pointing me to heaven. I guess he was encouraging me to go to heaven. I smiled and shook my head, which only made him a little angrier, for some reason. I did notice though, that the finger he was using to point to heaven was not the finger I would have used. I guess it’s a matter of confusion. This guy was not smart enough to be an idiot to know which finger you use to point a person to heaven.

One thing I have discovered about idiots is they are not confined to race, gender or age. You can find idiots anywhere there are people still breathing. An idiot is an equal opportunity engager.

Being an idiot does have its advantages. For example, when my wife sends me to the store to buy some items for the house and I come back with everything but what’s on the list I can say, “I just must be an idiot.” And, do not let this get back to her, it always works.

If you know who you are and what you are, you can begin using that information to your advantage. If you know you are an idiot then you can bank on that for the rest of your life.

The difference between an idiot and a fool is simply that an idiot is a little short of knowledge. Solomon understood this when he wrote, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7). And, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15).

I suppose I can’t help being an idiot, but I certainly don’t have to be a fool as Solomon describes it.